"I've grown to realize the joy that comes from little victories is preferable to the fun that comes from ease and the pursuit of pleasure" - Lawana Blackwell

As an early childhood educator I am not sure why the following surprises me. I've always learnt that consistency is the key in my studies.
Children need boundaries. They need to know how far to push limits and what is acceptable and unacceptable.

I watch how people come to the orphanage, people that I am told, visit twice a week, and the way the children behave with them. They don't really listen, they get up and walk away and leave a huge mess behind them for the carers to clean up.

I show up with a million art and craft assortments and boxes of Lego.
And when they are done with it, the Lego gets put back in the box, the completed art and craft goes up on the wall and the scraps go in the bin.
They even return stray lego pieces the day after!
Why do they do that for me?

Must be the consistency I've shown over the last five years. It hasn't always been like this. I remember one time, when all my resources went scattered all over the orphanage. I actually called a meeting with them all and cancelled their outing until things were returned. And they tried to test me, Like all children would, and leave a trail of rubbish and not return parts of my toys, but I stuck to my guns and there were still no outings. I remember the volunteers with me at the time, looking at me like I was a wicked witch.

But after a power battle and them finally understanding I meant business, things were returned. Rubbish was put in the bin. They learnt to sit and wait while I handed out fruit instead of everyone involved in a scrum for a banana. 

And at times I have felt like a broken record and I literally feel my vocal chords exhausted with the effort of saying the same thing over and over again.
But this trip round, I stand back feeling proud as I watch them clean up and pack away and show respect for belongings.

Taking the children out in groups as I always do, they know now not to harass me and beg for them to come. They know that I am fair and consistent and that every one of them will head out with me.
So now, instead of begging 'me,me,me', they come and ask me 'when?' What day and time is their name down for for their outing.

It's such a small change, one I didn't even see until I began writing this and reflecting on the last week, but one that carries a lot of meaning. And trust when I think of it. They trust me. They know I won't leave anyone behind. Although that transition seemed seamless, it's taken years in the making. 

So I took a group out and left the other third at the orphanage. I left a box of lego with them (brave I know, without me being physically present!) but I decided to 'test' them for want of a better word. After all, how do I see they have grown and developed without giving them an opportunity to challenge and test their qualitative growth?! 

I was resolved that my Lego would disappear. I left one box in the care of  36 primary school aged children.

Imagine my surprise when I returned and it was all packed up waiting for me to take home? Joy is an understatement. I wanted to cry. I felt immense pride for them. They wouldn't even know what I was blubbering on about but I don't see it as a small feat. They have grown and changed so much over the last 5 years. I feel privileged to witness these changes. 

Flowers the girls got me on a random day "because we love you"

Jumping Joy for Jeans...

"One of the main reasons that we lose our enthusiasm in life is because we become ungrateful..we let what was once a miracle become common to us. We get so accustomed to his goodness it becomes a routine."

They never cease to amaze me. Here they have an opportunity, a very rare occurrence of being taken out to the markets and being able to buy what they want. Yet, they put down the pair of jeans a second ago they were gleaming about and walk away. Why? Because they tell me they are to expensive. They were $10. And they don't want me paying that much. Considering there were 9 girls with me, it was going to add up to a fortune for them. I could understand their whisperings and chatter as they tried to negotiate what they should buy to keep my cost down. But I sensed they were also sad as they had their hearts set on jeans. 
I called a few friends to make sure I wasn't being ripped off with the $10 price and once confirmed it was the local price, I just bought them each the jeans they wanted. 
Have you ever seen a 17year old jump and down on the spot with a huge grin on her face at the prospect of getting the jeans she wanted? I have. Today. And it broke my heart and warmed it all at the same time. 
Which teenager back in my fortunate world would literally jump for joy at a pair of new jeans? 

It's funny how, in this journey of life, even though we may begin at different times and places, our paths cross with others so that we may share our love, compassion, observations, and hope. This is a design of God that I appreciate and cherish.

Joy is free, unrestrained passion

On the back of the motorbike, after surprising my amazing children with my return visit, I ponder the clouds: A cloud does not know why it moves in such a direction and at such a speed, it feels an impulsion perhaps? An impulse that this is the place to go now.

But I think the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds.

And in the same way, I know, too. When I am here, I feel like I have lifted myself high enough to see beyond horizons. And I know.... I know the true meaning of joy and happiness, I know what it feels like to be truly present and in the moment, I know what type of person I am and who I strive to be. I feel gratitude running through my veins at all I have and all that I can do here. I am blessed, every time I look into my children's eyes.... I feel blessed. 

http://youtu.be/cGYWMTnGmvY

'Compassion means we aspire to transform suffering'

Jan 2015 As I sit on the plane with bittersweet tears blurring my vision, a million snapshots of moments run through my mind like a movie.

- the way Sen grabs hold of me and giggles and laughs when I kiss her neck

- The way the toddlers take the few toys I brought to the babies cos they can hear them crying and try to appease them through the playpen pickets.

- The babies whose personality I can see already.... Duc, around 15 months, who once let loose, although can't walk steady yet as he is confined to the cot, goes as fast as he can out the door, hitting every child over the head in his path...

- The toddlers who haven't learnt how to self regulate yet and tantrum when someone takes their toy or when life just gets tooooo much...

- The older girls who look after the babies and how each one has formed a bond with a different one and take responsibility for them when they cry.

- The newborn who is not learning trust as she is left to cry till she shakes..... The babies who have no sense of security or attachment due to the inconsistency in care-giving responses. And it's not the carer's fault... a lot has to do with ratios, no time to do everything and then education - the importance of early child hood seems to be non existent here.

- their pure unobliterated bliss when I go pick them up from school and they see me down the dirt road

- The pride the Peace Village carers feel for their kids and when I ask to take them out there is a flurry of activity to find their best outfits amidst the torn rags.

- Getting splashed in the face from trucks as they speed by and me laughing hysterically on the back of the bike covered in muddy water.

- The older boys who are so bored that they play with baby toys when I bring them out and monopolise them... And I get frustrated that they taking them away from the younger children but when I stop and think about it for a moment, my frustrations melt as I realise that they have to resort to baby toys to stimulate them to just have something to do.

- Carers who congratulate me when I tell them I have a boyfriend and they wish me well and tell me that I should bring him here and get married here with all my children present....

- the way the less disabled help out the more disabled at Peace Village and take care of each other.

- the joy Peace Village got from being out and about!

 - the way the girls have kept photos of them and I safe in an album and show me that they haven't forgotten about our friendship and love...

- the fact that I don't get offended anymore when locals tell me I'm fat and brown and so ugly!

I recently heard a TED Talk by Joan Halifax on the subject of compassion that got me thinking:
She believes compassion is there within every human being. But the conditions for compassion to be activated, to be aroused, are particular conditions.

So we can ask: What is compassion comprised of? Compassion is comprised of that capacity to see clearly into the nature of suffering. It is that ability to really stand strong and to recognize also that I'm not separate from this suffering. But that is not enough, because compassion, which activates the motor cortex, means that we aspire, we actually aspire to transform suffering. And if we're so blessed, we engage in activities that transform suffering.

Phuong, a girl who we support to stay in school wrote me another letter this trip. She says that she prays every night that the other poor students in her village can have someone show them compassion too and support them to go to school just like I do for her. She goes on to write that if every person who was lucky in this life could help someone who was not so lucky, then the world would be a better place.

What is fascinating is that compassion has enemies, and those enemies are things like pity, moral outrage, fear. And you know, we have a society, a world, that is paralyzed by fear. And in that paralysis, of course, our capacity for compassion is also paralyzed.

Interesting huh?

So I shall leave you a list of where donations where spent this trip along with Phuong's prayer, which resonates with the below quote too...
"Do your little bit of good where you are, it's those bits of good put together that overwhelm the world" - Archbishop Desmond Tutu