"We rise by lifting others" - Robert Ingersoll

July 2015: Market day: I heard that the 13 kids who got shipped to the other orphanage were getting teased because of their clothes: that they only got there with two outfits each, that they were old, that they were to big. So I decided to go to the markets with Thanh and Ngan and buy each of them two latest fashion outfits to make them feel better. I actually wanted the other kids who were teasing them to be jealous that they then had better clothes than they did! I know, I'm stooping to teenagers' levels but I couldn't help it. It's hard enough they got uprooted and moved, but now they getting teased about their clothes?! Give them a break.

So I took Thanh and Ngan, the two oldest who for some reason did not get moved to the other place and off we went in search of clothes. It's interesting what they find beautiful compared to what I do. They pretty much hated everything I chose and I did not agree with them when they picked up this pink floral frilly number and called it stunning. They were so good at sifting through all the clothes in the markets and decoding who would like what. They knew Tram loved dresses and so they found her a dress; Tuyet likes shorts so they got her a short and mini tee ensemble.

The boys were so easy to buy for: they all got a soccer jersey and shorts to match and they were done in five seconds!

But the girls! We spent five hours at two different markets finding the perfect things for each of them.
Spending the five hours in hot, stuffy, crammed markets with locals grabbing and touching you was worth it when I saw their faces when I delivered their clothes to them the following week. They all began comparing and trying everything on. I sat quietly in the background watching and getting teary (as I always do). They then tried everything on for me and did a parade. I was just pleased that I could help increase their self esteem and stop the taunts about their clothes. All for the price of ... I bought two sets of outfits for each one of the 13 kids... And it equalled to $14 a child! Seriously! Two outfits each for $14.... Worth every cent.

My presence is enough

22/7/15: My third day: still no time to sleep. I travelled over an hour to reach the 13 children that got moved to this other orphanage. I took Thanh and Ngan with me, the two oldest girls left behind at Tam Ky. They are sisters and have a younger brother at the orphanage too. I am not sure how they decided these two stayed and the rest of the older ones went. It's pretty cruel dividing the best friends up and they were really sad. I was lucky enough to take them with me to visit their friends at this other orphanage. The director even allowed me to keep them overnight! Huge! (As an aside, I could write an entire other post about Thanh and Ngan and their reactions at being in another town. I took them to restaurants where they could order anything they wanted off the menu, a totally new and foreign concept to them and how they were in awe of everything in a Western room).

So off we went. I wish I could have filmed their reactions when the other girls saw them and they were reunited. The screams that echoes out of the room and the group hug that ensued. They then spotted me and ran up to me showing me the same amount of love and welcome. I was crying and shaking, they were crying and hugging me so tight.

They hate it. They absolutely hate it. I was praying with all my heart that this orphanage had improved over the years I've known it and whilst on the surface some things look better, in reality it's still horrible. They all looked skinnier.

The girls were non stop chatting, catching up on stories. They didn't stop for a breath. I sat back and listened, not understanding what they were saying, yet at the same time, understanding everything they were saying.

I did understand that the other children were teasing them because they didn't have many clothes and the clothes they came with were old or to big for them. I went to the markets and bought all 13 of them brand new outfits.

I wanted to buy them food but I felt really slack to the other children just rocking up with food for my 13. There are 90 at this orphanage. So I ended up buying 90 ice creams, enough fruit for 90 and the following day, 90 meat bread rolls. I couldn't bring myself to just buy 13 and ignore the rest.

 The other children are pretty awesome too and even remembered me from the years before when I use to visit. Some of them used to be at 'home of affection', an orphanage that closed down in Tam Ky in 2010/2011. I didn't really keep up a connection with them as I felt I couldn't provide for all of them there as well my usual places in Tam Ky. But they did shock and surprise me when they showed that they remembered me. I guess perhaps I did make an impact on them!

The boys came in to find me too when they saw I was there. They hung around me a little, just sitting. It was nice as one of them would never talk to me in Tam Ky and here, he came up to me and took me to his room to show me where his living quarters were now.

The rooms are pretty bare. At least they have a bed each was what I was thinking to console myself.
So we spent two days there with them. It was great that Thanh and Ngan were with me and they sat as a little group and chatted, listened to music off a tiny mobile and teased each other.

. I just feel so helpless. Like I couldn't do anything for them. But I underestimate the fact that I was there. Just there. Just present. I didn't even need to have them communicate to me the entire time. The fact that I was there. That I brought Thanh and Ngan. That I brought clothes and ice cream and fruit. Something is better than nothing. I have not and will not forget them just because they have moved orphanages. I've known these children for the last five years. I can't just pretend they don't exist anymore just because they have moved and it's to hard for me. This is their reality and they live it every single day.

So after an epic 11 hours with them that day, they all hugged me and told me they loved me and gave me sniff kisses and Nho did my hair to make me pretty.

I told them that whatever they needed I will send for them. I will get Mrs Hanh to check on them monthly and leave money with her for whatever they need until I can find a way to get them out of there!

I feel helpless still. Like I'm not doing enough. They moved here three weeks ago. I'm focusing on the fact that it's still transition period and the fact that I am here for this difficult period... Is enough. My presence is enough.

"Do not allow me to forget you" - Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

 

20/7/15: Second day: was just as amazing. Peace Villages' greeting to me was outstanding. The ones that could understand what was going on gave me the best welcoming! One little boy who struggles with physical motor skills was running to me as fast as he could balance and said my name! That was the first time I have heard him say that!

My forgotten children. Most people have and they receive the bare minimum to keep them going from the government. I guess I have proved to them that I haven't forgotten them these last four years since the first time I have come to visit them when this centre opened. I decided I was going to try do the epic trip to the beach with them.... So my second day here I took 21 disabled peace village residents to the beach for a splash and a seafood lunch. You couldn't wipe the smiles off their faces.

I was taking the ones less abled one by one down to the water's edge to feel it and get wet. Was such a tiring yet such a rewarding experience. Seeing how much fun they were having made me forget how exhausted I was and focus on how I was able to provide this for them: they couldn't pay me back with much expect a thousand thank you's and in hugs. One resident sang a song to me as his thank you!

It was a huge day and one that could easily have been put in the to hard basket. But why???!!!!! These children deserve this experience too. Watching them eat a four course seafood lunch at the beach and cheer each other on with their Pepsi brought tears to my eyes. Truly spectacular. And all of this was made possible with donations. It cost a total of $175!!!! Two buses, 21 residents and a four course seafood lunch.

Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity. ~Edwin Hubbel Chapin~

Usually, it's the girls that come running out first. But this time, the boys burst past them, running at me at bullet speed shouting my name. The orphanage already felt quieter and I wasn't even up the front steps yet.

 

 

 

About a month ago I found out that they were moving 16 children to a different orphanage. I know of and have been to this orphanage and my heart plummeted at the prospect of having my beloved little souls go there. The place is horrible. It's kept at a very low standard so tourists go through, see the state of the children and donate money. And none of this money ever reaches the children. They beat the children there, don't let them out at all not even for the three months during the summer break, and don't really feed them either. It's a heart breaking place and I was devastated when I heard.

What broke my heart the most was getting secret messages from some of the kids who were told were going to move. I was in utter turmoil for them. The fact that they also had no one else they could turn to and were messaging me for help really broke my heart. I wanted to get on the next plane over there. But of course I couldn't. Not even my connections in local government could help. Once they decided, they decided. It's not like there wasn't enough room at baby orphanage anymore!!!! I wanted to scream at them. Has no one the sense to even consider their social and emotional development and what this move would do to them?!?!

I wanted to send the ones who had families home instead of going there. I would find a way to come up with funds to support them to send them back home. But this is not something that can be done on a whim. I would want to make sure that if I sent them home I could afford to support them until they were 18. Otherwise it would be horrible to pull them out for a year and then say 'sorry, got no funds to keep supporting you. You can go back to the orphanage now'.

3 children went home and 13 got moved. About 10 babies got adopted so it definitely did have a quieter feel, even though there are still 59 children there! I love how I have become accustomed to a group of 80 ish and 59 is quiet!!!

So my return was awesome. They were expecting me this time so I didn't have the element of surprise. I did get the sad pouting face when I said I was only here for three weeks. Toooooooo short!!!!! I know, I know. But better than nothing right?!



It was already prearranged that my first day there I would take 31 kiddies to the swimming pool. It's summer holidays. That means they are at the orphanage 24/7 for three months now. I would go stir crazy there with nothing to do. The director said that no one has taken them out. They haven't been anywhere. The last time they went swimming was with me a year and a half ago!


So after an 8 hour delay and arriving at Tam Ky at 2am, I was up and ready to go with two buses and 31 children between the 4-12 years of age.


The smiles on their faces!!! The older ones tried so hard to keep afloat and practice their swimming. I was taking the little ones one by one into the big pool.


Their pure joy of being there and watching this on their faces is a feeling I don't ever want to forget. Joy for the little things.























And then after working up an appetite swimming we went to a local restaurant to have nem nuong. Meat on a stick. You pull the pork off, add it to salad leaves, cucumber and mango or banana in a rice paper roll and dip in peanut sauce. Yum!!!



I could not believe what the skewer tally was at the end for the bill: 565 skewers of meat!!!! Granted, we bought 100 skewers of meat for the mothers left behind at orphanage to eat dinner, but that still means 31 kids ate 465 skewers of meat!!



A great first day back.....

Everything is theoretically impossible, until it is done - R. Heinlein

19.07.2015.

I sat on the plane trying to place whether last night actually happened or whether I dreamt it. Although so surreal, it definitely happened.

I am still in disbelief! I cannot begin to convey to everyone present at the trivia last night, to everyone who has donated money or items towards the children and my fundraising efforts, exactly how much that all means to me. These children mean the world to me and having you guys help me, help them, brings me to tears. 

I was expecting about 80 people to turn up at best. I was definitely not expecting 250 tickets to sell and to have to stop the booking site as we sold more tickets than the venue capacity!!!!!

A total of $12,413 was raised on my birthday for the children. Best birthday present ever.

I was running on pure adrenalin after the trivia night..... I slept for two hours and was up again at the airport ready to fly to Tam Ky to see everyone again.

I have no other words but thanks, thanks, thanks. A million times over.

Huge thank you also has to go out to Jason Kazanis- auctioneer, mc, trivia quiz master and comedian all rolled into one for hosting the night and ensuring everyone was having a grand old time. The night would not have been the same without you, Jason.

For those not present, I have copied my speech from the night below. I haven't included the photos as Mr Nhan's story and pics can also be found on my blog. (http://missionnampossible.blogspot.com/2013/07/everyone-can-do-simple-things-to-make.html )


Stay tuned for where the donations have gone towards!

xoxoxox

Hello Everyone! I don’t know what to say or where to start. I am overwhelmed at the support that you have all shown for mission nampossible. I am truly grateful for you all taking the time and effort to be present tonight to help me, help the children in Vietnam. Thank you ever so much!!!!

I could just tell you stories for the rest of the night but we need to get back to the trivia so I will keep it as short as I can.

Complete stories about the children and communities I support can be found on my blog: www.missionnampossible.blogspot.com.au .

I first began volunteering in Tam Ky 5 years ago.

My passport has 12 visas in it. Over the last 5 years, I have spent 20 months over there with the children. It has most certainly been a life changing experience for me.

A couple of years ago, 16 year old Jake and 13 year old Ellis raised $8000 and came to Vietnam to help out and see what it was I was doing over there.

Jake wrote the following about his experience and it encapsulates one way I've come to view things over there: “The lesson I've learnt the hard way is that you can’t help everyone. As much as you want to, as much as you think it necessary, it just isn't possible. But, it is important to take away the little things rather than spiral into depression at the hopelessness of it all – a very easy thing to do, given the enormity of the problem”.

So, I don’t think of all the misery but the beauty that remains and every time I return, driving up the dirt road to the orphanage gate, I get nervous. The butterflies are very active in my tummy as I anticipate seeing all these angelic faces…… I have been with the same children for the last 5 years and we have developed a very special bond, a relationship I could not put into words. Perhaps this short bumpy video can portray a little better than my words everyone’s excitement at our reunions. This particular video was taken on New Years Day. They were not expecting me…. It was a surprise trip….

The love I feel for these children makes me want to burst…. I feel so at peace, so at home with them….. I am fiercely protective over all of them…… when the routine, monotony and challenges of my life get me down, all I do is think of these kids and immediately things are back in perspective: that focus on what truly matters as opposed to the mundane or superficial. That’s one gift these children have given me without even realising it.

I often debate with people, ‘what is compassion comprised of?’ I think compassion is comprised of that capacity to see clearly into the nature of suffering. It is that ability to really stand strong and to recognise also that I’m not separate from this suffering. But that is not enough! Compassion should make us want to aspire. That we actually aspire to transform suffering. And if we’re so blessed, we engage in activities that transform suffering.

Ellis, who was made two trips with me to Vietnam, said to me once that even though we help in the ways we can, sometimes things can’t be helped. You have to pick your battles.

So, one battle we have engaged in has been a cow buying project for a rural town in Central Vietnam. Simply put, donations pay for a cow for a disadvantaged family and that cow has babies and provides an income for the family. A cow costs $600. They can sell a calf and earn the equivalent of 9 months’ salary with the money.

Meet Mr Nhan. He has three children aged 7,8,9.

To reach their house, “we trudge along a dirt path, narrow enough so we are forced to walk single file. It’s raining on the day we go, so, as Ellis so eloquently put it, “we have donned raincoats that may as well have been garbage bags with arm holes. To either side of us are the rice fields, ahead and behind us only the dirt, muddy path.”

The first time I met them, I remember thinking that these had to be the filthiest children I have ever seen. Dirt was present in every crack and crease of their skin. The father was no better and it took all my strength to suppress my gag reflex as I interacted with him and stood next to him for photos. His shirt was stained with sweat and dirt. My heart plummeted at their abysmal state.

His story? His wife ran out on him and the children without a backwards glance. She ran straight into the arms of another man and left the district.

He didn't see it coming at all. With a pained expression he said to me that if she wanted to leave him, he could cope with that, but she ran out and left her children too. I didn’t know where to look when he asked 'How can a mother desert her children without a pang of guilt?'

We brought these children food and new clothes for the New Year and some toys to keep them entertained and stimulated. It broke my heart a little when the girls opened the pretend play supermarket and plastic food and asked "what do we do with it?"

Mr Nhan is a softly spoken man with gentle eyes and a pained smile, a farmer who is desperately trying to keep his children with him. A rare thing, really. It's not a man's job here to raise children. Yet he fights and struggles every single day to keep his children with him and not place them in an orphanage.

The cow has been able to provide their father with an extra source of income on top of his usual occupation of a rice field farmer to help him make ends meet. The cow has already had one calf and is currently pregnant again!

On my third visit to Mr Nhan, I looked around the tiny room where they all slept together and I was thinking about how fond I was of this man who struggles all alone and silently every day to provide for his children. I asked if the mother has been in touch and has come to see her children. I got a no. There has been no contact. I was fighting back my tears and with the help of a translator, I told Mr Nhan that I thought he was a very brave and courageous man. Not many males in this community would fight so hard to keep their children together with them. I told him that I was really proud of him and acknowledged the difficult task he was faced with. I then committed further donations to pay for the three of these children to attend school. A total of $250 a year for all three of them.

We haven’t been able to ‘save’ and rescue everyone we have encountered, but we can remain confident that many people have been touched by the generosity of everyone who has donated:

A boarding school in the mountains has clean water; the sewer has been fixed so it doesn't overflow into the orphanage during wet season; three orphanages have hot water systems thanks to us; 45 orphans have annual dental and optical check ups; 16 wheelchairs and 6 walkers have helped the lives of the disabled; we have planted 100 fruit trees and a vegetable garden to provide more food for the residents; we started an incense making business with the agent orange residents; we sent 5 agent orange victims to a computer course; the 60 highly disabled residents at Peace Village have an extra carer; the babies at BO have an extra carer; donations have supported salaries of physiotherapists for the disabled; 33 children have remained in school because of the bicycles we have purchased for them; 6 families have an income from the cows we have provided; 100 orphans have fruit every day; 8 children have remained in school with our support of their tuition; 44 orphans have clean and new school uniforms every year so they do not stand out as orphans;100 orphans saw the beach for the first time and have experienced pure joy at being a child as funds have allowed me to take them swimming, the play lands, roller blading rinks, book stores and soccer matches. Every time I go I take everyone out of the orphanages and expose them to their community, we eat at restaurants and go to ear deafening karaoke. When I was living there for the year in 2012, I had 84 orphans on rotation for sleepovers at my house! They still talk about the sleepovers to this day! The list goes on and on…… Full itemised accounts of funds and details can be found on my blog if you want to know more…..

From all of this, we hope that you are able to see the world slightly differently; not as an impossibly flawed organism, but one that can be repaired if we all do our part. Sure, we can’t ‘fix’ everything everywhere, but we could sure make it better.

I know I keep returning and am on the ground over there, but really, none of the things I have achieved would have been possible without the generous support and donations from my friends and friends of friends and anyone who has stumbled across me and my mission. I only began fundraising half way through 2012; the two years before this, I did what I could on my own….. People began reading the blog and began donating funds. To date, donations raised have been just over $40,000. And after tonight, I am sure it will hit over $45,000.

I have no other words but thanks, thanks, thanks.

"Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them" - Steve Maraboli

We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts. That is how I feel every time my visit comes to an end in Tien Phuoc.

For those of you following my journey, you will know that I visit this remote area of Vietnam and help out where I can.

All your generous donations have helped provide shelter, food, an income for some families via the purchase of cows and pigs and an education for their children. I went back to visit some of these families - their stories can be found here at these past blogs if you are not familiar with them:

http://missionnampossible.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/everyone-can-do-simple-things-to-make.html

http://missionnampossible.blogspot.com.au/2014/02/a-kind-gesture-can-reach-wound-that.html

So! A very bumpy ride again 'into the jungle' as I was calling it to see these families again.

Phuong's family was looking much better. Dad was back at work and Mum was able to get some treatment for her cancer with that little extra cash flow. Unfortunately there is nothing to be done about both brothers with hemophilia. The mother asked me if in our 'lucky country' of Australia, we had a cure for hemophilia. I said no, we could just manage it better for them to lead a full life. In one way, I will admit I was a little relieved that I could say no and not yes! Of course we do! That would have made me feel... embarrassed? Almost guilty about having the good fortune to  be able to live in a country where ailments are curable and diseases are managed. Why me and not her and her sons? Why do some get to be born in a remote rural town where the nearest hospital for blood transfusions is 8 hours away and others are born in a country where its at their fingertips so to speak? Who chooses who ends up where?!

Phuong's Mother was so happy to see me, she couldn't stop squeezing my hands. She sat me down and showed me Phuong's school results. Phuong was topping her year and the pride in this mother's face, made me want to burst into tears. She was loving being in school. She was clearly excelling. And I could make all this possible for $150 a year. It blows my mind.

Next up, we went to see Mr Nhan again and see how the money making cow was going. This cow was purchased from a generous donation from the Glenhaven Rotary Club in 2013.

Mr Nhan has two daughters,Anh, aged 9, and Phuong aged 8, and a boy, Hoang Nam of 7. The mother ran off with another man leaving the father to provide for his 3 children.

We brought these children food and new clothes for the New Year and some toys to keep them entertained and stimulated. It broke my heart a little when the girls opened the pretend play supermarket and plastic food and asked "what do we do with it?".

Donations pay for the three of these children to attend school. The cow has been able to provide their father with an extra source of income on top of his usual occupation of a rice field farmer. The cow has already had one calf and is currently pregnant again! He is very happy with this cow. Mr Nhan told me he had a difficult year but that he got through.

I looked around the tiny room where they all slept together and counted my blessings. At the same time, I was thinking about how fond I was of this man who struggles every day, yet, fights to keep his children with him. I asked if the mother has been in touch and has come to see her children. I got a no. He then, in a very solemn and soft voice told me that he has found out that she has had another baby with the other man she ran off with. My heart cracked into a million pieces. The pain was etched on this father's face and it was so present, I could feel it. I was fighting back my tears and with the help of a translator, I told Mr Nhan that I thought he was a very brave and courageous man. Not many males in this community and culture would fight so hard to keep their children together with them. I took my hat off to him and told him that I was really proud of him and acknowledged the difficult task he was faced with.

I told him I would continue to pay for his children's school fees for another year ( a total of $250 for the year for all three children!). I have always found him to be quiet and more of a shy character, yet his quiet thank you's to me that came along with a sigh of relief was deafening.

Mrs Sen. This one had to be the saddest stop for me for the day.

Mrs Sen is a new family I have been able to help this trip thanks to donations by my students at Randwick TAFE. They were so touched by my stories and work in Vietnam, that they all pulled money together and wanted it to be contributed to “half a cow!” So I took their donation and added more from others and was able to buy Mrs Sen a cow.

Mrs Sen’s husband, died at work, after falling out of a tree in April 2014 at the age of 42.

They have four children: Tien is 14 years old, Na is 12 years old, Ngoc is 9 years old and little Thong is 4 years old.

We all showed up in a van, local reporter was there from the television as well. We had also bought Mrs Sen a hamper of food for the New Year, new clothes for the children, toys and a bicycle for her eldest son to be able to get to and from school.

There were so many people there, neighbours came from around the community to see what was going on…. I couldn’t tell who Mrs Sen was! As I was looking around the place, I caught a glimpse of a woman who looked very skinny and frail and whose demeanor was just… well…. Sad. I knew instinctively that this was her. Someone called her over to me and she came up to me, head bowed down, not making eye contact with me. I felt really nervous for some reason. I felt uncomfortable? Was that the feeling? I was out of my comfort zone, in another world, so far removed to my reality. Butterflies were going mad in my stomach. And I thought that this was good. It’s good to be feeling uncomfortable. It makes me see things differently and question a lot of things about existence.

I felt a hand in my hand a few moments later and I looked up and saw that it was Mrs Sen’s hand. She still wasn’t looking at me but immediately I felt how much her hand was trembling. This poor woman was suffering. We went to the altar/shrine for her deceased husband and lit an incense stick. Her tremble turned into a shake. 

I felt like I was taking on her pain in that moment. I was crying without even knowing it. Her pain was still so raw. So fresh, so real that it consumed her. It hung around like a thick fog in the air.

They wanted me to make a speech and I was not expecting it (although I should’ve known better!). It was hard to get words out as the giant lump in my throat was restricting me. I know that I couldn't do much to take her pain away, but I was hoping that the cow would help make her life a little easier.

Cow given to Mrs Sen... interesting position of the ray of light shining down... 

Grandma was last to visit with her two grandchildren. Since seeing Grandma last, something has gone wrong with her eyes and she cannot see properly. I am guessing it is something like cataracts. I was watching the 14 year old, look after her and tend to the cow and keep his 9 year old sister in check. The responsibility that has fallen on this young boy's shoulders was huge. I wonder if he felt it? I wonder if he ever resented it? I wonder if he just doesn’t think about it and just ‘gets on with it’ because this is his reality. And to top it off, he still goes to school!

Little Ly, whose reaction I will never forget when we gave her, her first doll on our last visit (described in the past blog link above) was just as excited at her new toys this time round. We brought her an ‘updated doll’ and her smile was so wide, you couldn’t help but look at her and smile yourself.

The cow was doing great as well and looking good so I was happy that our past investments were performing and providing an income to these families.

"Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give" Eleanor Roosevelt